Change Is Expected, But Never Fun

Tantrum

I threw a tantrum last night because I could not find the one and only wall plug charger we own to charge my iPod Shuffle.  Okay, the tantrum wasn't really because of that....it was just the straw that broke the camels back.  I fight constantly to get the girls to put it back in the community basket downstairs.  They lost the one they were sharing.  I have been letting them use mine.  I get miffed when I cannot find it easily.  Yes, I still have only child syndrome when it comes to sharing "my stuff".  I don't know if I'll ever get over that.  ;) 

I normally throw a major tantrum only when I am by myself because my tantrums consist of throwing a few objects (those that won't break like pens, pencils, paper, pillows, etc) and screaming (I mean it....screaming) which in turn diffuses me and I finally vent out that which has been aggravating me rather than contiuing to hold it inside.  This only happens maybe 3-4 times in a year....usually when I don't realize I'm holding it in until it builds and I need to release it.  Because I don't know what caused it.....I release ALL of it at the same time.  Usually I can work through any issue and let it go well before I get to that stage. 

I threw my tantrum last night whilst Shawn was home.  The week had begun very rough....Monday & Tuesday at work were crazy.  I took it all in and remained calm....almost too calm (I think I internalized most of it).  I spent a couple nights staying up too late.  By yesterday I was overly tired (and I get down right bitchy & nasty when I am overly tired) and fiesty.  This was not a good combination.

Enter missing wall charger here and tantrum ensues. 

I gave Shawn ample warning.  I did not yell at him (it wasn't his fault).  Because of my warning he kept quiet.  Today he shared he just about died laughing. I figured he probably did. 

I announced I was about to lose it.  Suddenly my grocery list went flying off the counter.  Paper flew everywhere.  I screamed at the top of my lungs and stormed upstairs.  Top of the stairs, I stomped my feet hard.  Once in my bedroom, I screamed again (not so loudly this time).  I headed back downstairs, outside to the front porch where I plopped on a bench and sat for a loooooong while.  [Shawn thought I took a walk to cool off.....which would have been a logical choice, if I'd had the energy.]

More in control, I returned in doors and crashed on the living room couch for about 30 minutes of hard core sleep.

I awoke refreshed, in control once again and down right embarrassed.  I have NEVER done this in front of Shawn before.  Yes, I've slammed doors and drawers when I was pissed about something, but I haven't thrown things to that extent and screamed like a psycho. 

I returned to the family room and we went on with our evening.  I got up to eat and we talked.  I brought it up in jest and he started laughing.  He shared his initial thought was "my wife's a psycho", but that he still loved "his psycho".  Then it was "let it out, girl".  It was only today he told me about laughing.  I shared that my last stomping of feet was because I was imagining that he was down in the family room laughing at my temper tantrum.  I mean, come on, how old am I?  I would have been laughing too.

However, sometimes we need a release.  Granted, I probably would have found a more constructive way to release it if I hadn't been so tired.  At least, it's over and done with and my husband knows I'm human.  That and he now knows, I'm definitely not keeping anything in anymore unlike last year.  Although, he did mention not to do that at work.  Duh!  :)

Tired

I had a 4 day weekend last week because of Easter, but still find myself absolutely tired out after a week back in the office.  What is it these days that makes one feel that they just have to keep going and going and going like the Energizer Bunny?  Well, I at least try to keep going and going and going, however I do have to get my down time in.  I'm struggling with fitting in "me" time right now.  Now, this is not a new struggle, but I recognize the value so I am working on getting it in no matter what.  This is often times can be to the detriment of something else I "should" have done.  And then I, of course, beat myself up for not getting the "chores" done.  Yes, sometimes, not ALL the cleaning gets done in the same weekend.....not all the filing in the den gets done (or at all)...or the list of a myriad other projects that I would like to do, but just haven't gotten around to yet, gets put aside.  There's plenty to be done, but just not enough time in my schedule to fit it all in.  I could devote myself dutifully to my personally created honey do list, but honestly, I know the value of my own time and am trying to give it to myself.  Not so easily justified though when I screw around on the computer or watch the boob tube for too long.  Hmmm.....not really considered me time, but not really considered quality usage towards projects either.  Aack!!!

Senor Poopy Pants

El Husbando is in a decrepit and antagonistic mood today.  Largely due to a rough day yesterday, lack of sleep and it's Friday (which means he has a few days worth of lack o' sleep under his belt). 

I would love to be able to say that I simply love it when he's in one of "his moods" however, I would be lying through my teeth.  My dearest is a very skilled button pusher when he's in a good mood.  He becomes a more highly developed button pusher when he's in one of these moods.

This morining I thankfully identified he was in said mood early and therefore was able to keep myself in check before he was able to get too many pushes in (thank goodness).  I ended lunch early today because he was being a butt face.  I know, such a childish term of endearment, but there it is.  More than likely I will spend the rest of my day not letting him bait me into meaningless arguments with him and remind myself that it's him, not me (and that he doesn't mean most of what he is saying because he really is just trying to get my goat).  ;)  Uugh!!!

Tonight I will head to Dr Dan for a little chiropractic adjustment and then I will come home and avoid him like the plague until he gets a little shut eye and awakens in a better mood tomorrow morning. 

Ah, the joys and pleasures of being married!