Change Is Expected, But Never Fun

Mike & Riley

Got some pics from Anita of Mike & Riley.  He seemed like an amazing and happy daddy!

 

RHS Memorial

 

Wednesday afternoon I headed to Redmond High School (the newer and improved version) to attend the memorial dedication for Mike Montgomery.  Dan Van Der Viet (I think I spelled that right), class of 92', pursued the dedication with the principal and school district.  They put it together and it will now be a standing memorial to all fallen heroes who attended RHS circa 1950 and on.  Mike will hopefully be the last to fall though.  Anita and Mary were in attendance along with some of Mike's family and Anita's family and believe it or not, some of the old RHS alumnus appeared out of thin air.  Mostly guys, I recognized some and others I didn't.  Anita and I were able to talk at length.  She's relocated back to Redmond and they are buying a condo which should close next month.  She apologized for not being in contact more, but alas felt she was not good company right now.  I told her that it was okay.  I would expect nothing else and if she was good company, I'd wonder if she was truly dealing with it the way she should be. She owes it to herself to grieve.  Mike would have wanted her to and yet move forward....which she is, slowly but surely.  And too true, she asked me how I was doing.  I told her I was doing fine.  Yes, I have my moments where something reminds me or I see the news talking about the next soldier the war has taken from this great nation of ours.  Those things slow me down and make me think....make me sad....make me remember.  I've really embraced the memories though because those are what I have left and I learn from them.  We agreed to meet up for coffee one evening after they move into their new digs.  I look forward to this because I yearn to support her and be a friend if that's what she needs, but I also know that she needs her space.  I get the impression that each time we talk, I'm completely honest with her and she appreciates that.  I also don't avoid talking about Mike and I think she appreciates that too.  Because, when you think about, that's probably what she always wants to talk about, but she thinks she has to get past it, be stoic and not talk about him anymore as time goes by.  We chatted briefly before I left and towards the end I got her talking about Riley.  I asked if Riley was like his dad and she said absolutely....right down to the love of Star Wars and many other things that were just so Mike.  I was laughing....she was laughing....it was wonderful to hear her laugh.  Mike didn't date a lot of women after me.  I think there was one and she was brief.  So when you think about it, I think that's why Anita relates to me and I relate to her.  We are actually very similar ladies in a lot of ways.  And we both love(d) the same man and understand the qualities he had and what made him such an incredible man.  She was blessed to have him as hubby and father to her son.  I was blessed to have him when I did.  There is no one else she knows who can talk to her about her hubby on that "level"....if that makes sense.  And he is the connection between the two of us so I think she doesn't worry about talking about him because he is the common thing we share.  I understand what kind of sense of humor he had, his love of the military, his love of helicopters, his dedication and drive and just his overall zeal for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.   

I realize just how lucky I am to be alive, have a successful job, beautiful daughters, a loving hubby and extended family and friends.  I feel fortunate to be alive and feel very successful as a result! All these men in my life over the years have helped shape me to become the woman I am today.  Those key players (Jason, Mike, Jeremy-yes, even Jeremy & lastly, my Shawn) have helped me to grow.  Everything happens for a reason and for whatever reason I moved on from each (except my Shawn) at one point or another to go on to the next level....to take my next step.  But, I would not be who I am today without each and every one of them....I thank all of them for that and for being a part of my life past, present and future!    

 

 

 

The Shoulder/Arm Update

Tuesday will be 3 weeks since my right shoulder/arm decided to make itself known and let me know that my body (emotionally speaking) was not happy with me. 

I'm at about 70% normalcy.  I have a bit of weakness in my tricep, but it's coming back to normal quite quickly.  The chiropractor I started seeing on Tuesday this past week definitely did wonders.  I probably will see him a couple times a week for the next 3-4 weeks, but if that's what it takes, so be it.  Far be it for me to poo poo what works.  That coupled with Soma and some acupuncture....be good as new soon.  Thank God for health insurance!

All this reminds me that, I need to have my own health close to my heart.  I've gotta take care of #2.  I'm watching what I'm eating and started walking again.  I figured walking was the simplest thing to start with that isn't hard on my body until the shoulder is back to normal.  In the meantime, Georgie and I will be speed walking our way to a healthier us going forward. George had a weigh in today and gained 5 lbs of holiday weight.  He needs a new fitness and food regiment too.  :)  I had my weight in....no weight gained over the holidays.  Ha ha!!!  Gotta like that kinda report.

Marital Bliss Established Once Again

After my recent rant about the hubby and fighting, I can happily say that things are rosy once again.  [Insert little birdies zinging around my head here.]  We've been a bit off kilter for the last couple of weeks due to my shoulder woes.  I didn't have much of a sense of humor through out that time frame.  Then, I was finally coming around towards the end of last week and he got a nasty bout of food poisioning which kept him in bed all day Friday.  Luckily, he recovered and is back to normal today.  I was worried about him there though.....he couldn't keep anything down.  

We have been working very diligently (since the end of November when our very big argument occurred) to be very kind, loving and respectful to one another. We are both much more demonstrative than we have been which is wonderful.  Additionally, we both work to be more helpful and thankful when it comes to what the other spouse is working on. 

Mr. Georgie needed to go into the vet this morning.  I thought I would have to take him.  Shawn offered to take him.  At first, I was not going to let him and then the little voice in my head said "why not"?  Suddenly, I realized it was okay to let go, acknowledged that Shawn is more than qualified to take him and I happily accepted his offer.  It was so nice not to have to go. 

Then, as I was preparing to head to Costco, Shawn offered to come with me.  My shoulder/arm is only at about 70% capacity right now.  He knows this and wanted to make sure I wasn't doing a lot of heavy lifting which I truly appreciated.  Luckily, the list wasn't large and everything on it was within my weight limit.  I can't explain how loved it made me feel just to have him offer though. 

It really is the little things that can add up to big things when we are in relationships.  We are about to celebrate 5 years of marriage (March 18th) and 8 years together (May 10th).  My how time flies when you are having fun.  And the truth is that you do have to work at it constantly!!!     

FI$CAL Arguments

I am allowing myself my emotions (see previous post) so that I do not bottle them up and consequently they come out through my neck or arm later. 

Why is it that the ones we love always piss us off so royally?  Okay, it's rhetorical when I ask because I already know the answer.  We are very serious about paying off some debt this year and with that comes planning, changes, etc.  We discussed lots of different options earlier this week where we are spending and perhaps don't need to be.  You know....how many Netflix movies do we really need at one time.....does the yard service that merely comes in and treats with fertilizers, etc. really do as good a job as what we are paying for....do we really need internet on our cell phones.  Typical stuff like that.  Last month, we renegotiated with Comcast and got our bill cut in half for the next year.  That's a good example of being constructive about our spending.

Here's an example of the not so constructive.  Yes, this is why they say money is the number one root of all problems in a marriage.  This morning, Shawn escalated it by mentioning my hair care, face care, eye brow waxing/tinting, etc.  How did we get on this particular subject?  Because I happened to mention that Mirranda might need another eye brow wax this coming weekend?  It costs $18 and she typically needs it every 2-3 weeks.  I preface this by saying that sometimes mom takes her and sometimes we do.  It's not always us.  I'm to the point where she should probably start using her allowance to assist in the payment of such maintenance so she begins to understand the costs of her own upkeep....she will be 16 in October after all.  Shawn had to take her 2 weeks ago because I was down for the count with the bum shoulder.  I usually take her.  Ergo, he saw how much it cost.  He was thinking it would hold her for awhile.  When I mentioned it might be time already, it set him off and consequently he started in on my personal maintenance regiment.  I told him absolutely not because those were things I did for myself that made me feel good about how I looked.  I will not give them up.  I already have cut out my interim hair cuts....you know, the one that comes between the colors (which I desperately need because my fricking hair grows so fast).  I try to go as long as possible between eye brow waxs, but usually 4 weeks is about my limit.  I will not do them myself....sorry!  Not that talented.  My facial care system is not the cheapest and I have entertained thoughts of finding something cheaper, but finally decided it wasn't worth it.  I'm growing older gracefully and by the grace of God, I will not go down without a fight.  I still look 28-30 right now and plan to stay that way. 

Realistically, where we really need to work on our household spending is eating out and the grocery shopping.  More often than not, I spend way more than I need to on groceries to make sure we never run out.  Well, if we did a little more meal planning....that wouldn't be such a problem. 

Later this morning, in the car (after we'd dropped the kids off) I told him I would try to find ways to cut down on my spending when it came to my personal beauty.  I was trying to makes amends because I did kinda jump all over him when he suggested it.  Course, he did too initially and then tried to cover it up and take it down a notch.  What it all comes down to is that he was upset from a couple days ago about giving up Scotts Lawn Service. 

Side Note:  We've used Scotts the last two years.  The grass never greens properly and the weeds only die when Shawn finally goes around and hits it again with his stuff.  Their chemicals don't seem to work well so I always thought it seemed kinda expensive to use them if they weren't cutting it.  He has bitched about this incessantly for the last 2 years. 

Now, apparently, they do cut it (I swear men have short term memory loss when it's convenient), they save him time from having to do it, yada, yada, yada.  So, I very kindly told him to keep them....that I understood because I WISH WE STILL HAD A FARGING CLEANING SERVICE!  Ahem, anyhow, he lost it (voiced raised considerably) screeching about how he wanted a camping trailer yada, yada, yada.  Side Note:  I won't let him get one till the quads are paid off and some other stuff is paid off or down.  Trailers are expensive and a huge money pit. 

Then he went on to bitch about spending too much on my car stereo, and recent trips out of town that we had both gone on.  Um hello.....sometimes, we need that time together and lets face it....we don't get it that often.  Yes, Barbados and Napa cost a little, but I felt it was well worth it.  Our problem is just that we haven't been that disciplined with our spending from week to week.  If we want to accomplish our end result, we now need to be.  End of story.  Lets not start pointing fingers at trips that had meaning and value as the cause of our woes.  Shoot, you want to point fingers....we could have just not shopped for one another this year at Christmas.  Oy veh!

 

Here's how I see it:

1. I lost my cleaning service a year and a half ago so we could "pay off bills".  I'm doing everything on my own for the majority of the time.  Sorry, but yard work is not a full time, year round event which means, in the fall/winter months, how hard is it to fricking pick up a toilet bowl cleaner every once in awhile?  He's not going to "get it" on his own and I'm going to have to tell him.  It's going to be a shit storm, I can feel it.
2. His complaining about losing Scotts tells me that he feels about them like I felt about the cleaners.  Hopefully I can use it as leverage for my conversation from #1 above. 
3. Do not use trips we took together as a good example for reckless spending.  I'm a woman and promise I will take it the wrong way and get my feelings hurt. 
4. You might want to consider the trips you took last year for guy trips as a good example of frivilous spending (unless he enjoyed those trips more, but he's smarter than that....he won't admit it even if it's true).  But, you better not even try to tell me that I don't get to take the one trip I've requested which is only going to cost airfare because I have friends to stay with and won't need a rental car.  It's just not the same.
5. Lets just buckle down and get it done.  No fighting, no pointing fingers....lets just figure out what we need to do, make a plan and stick to it.  Pointing fingers about what's already been done (3 years ago, I might add) really is not constructive and just makes people feel bad.
6. Never ask a woman to give up the few things she does for herself.  Try asking her to cut her other "extra" spending instead (which, consequently, I already have). 

Yes, folks, no relationship is ever perfect.  You always have to work at it and with them (doesn't mean you don't get to bitch sometimes though).  ;)

Life's Little Lessons

After some more reflection and praying, I finally figured out that not only has my recent down time been about learning not to repress feelings, but I also needed to relearn what was truly important.  For me, it's all coming back to values, priniciples and faith....without those things, who are we really?!  Who wants to live their life...eat, sleep, work...repeat?  Not I!  All core things I learned in my youth, but kinda got scattered as I hit my late teens and early 20's.  Ah, if only we could skip those people or things that happen in our lives that will spread us to the 4 corners of the Earth and back.  Then we get stuck picking up all the pieces over a given period of time (depending on how much time we have to devote to the recollection of our soul).  Shit, there are some folks who spend time doing this well into their 80's and 90's so I feel pretty fortunate to be living through this now.  Don't get me wrong....deep down, I had those core values, priciples and faith all along, but they got buried and dispaced.  I never used to be able to stand behind them worth a damn, but I'm coming around.  And thankfully, I've managed to instill some in my kids already and these are things that I share in common with my spouse. 

I've been a swinging pendulum for awhile now.  I used to be such an overly emotional young thing and now I've swung extremely the opposite where I'm ultra logical and hate the emotional jags.  Ahem, how many time have I posted a particular frustration about getting pissy about something over the last couple of years?  Yes, you see my dilemma.  I spent the better part of last year combating my emotional jags that occurred during my menstrual cycle.  Um hello, that's the perfect time when women's body shed all the toxic crap going on in them...emotionally and physically.  Purge it out....just don't necessarily purge to your spouse until you can do it constructively.  I don't know about anyone else, but it has occurred to me that what I usually have my hackles up most about during that time is probably really how I fell versus how I may have logically talked my emotional side into "dealing" with the said subject otherwise.  I've complained many times over the last few years about feeling out of touch with my compassionate, warm, fuzzy side.  I'm finally coming back to center....a good balance of both emotional and logical.   I was so worried about getting back to the girl I used to be who used to feel and be compassionate.  I kept thinking my answer was getting back in touch with the girl of my youth.  That's partially true, but it was more remembering those valuable things I possessed that allowed me to be compassionate and caring.   I've realized that I am compassionate and touchy feely, but in a different and better way.  I have more wisdom than I ever did back then.  The girl I think of was the one that couldn't make decisions on her own without consulting her girlfriends.  The one who wasn't capable of giving herself compliments.  She was also the girl that wore her heart on her sleeve and always got it broken, stepped on, used.  And ultimately was the one who made the decision to marry someone who she knew would not treat her right, but was so afraid no one else would ever take her on because she was so messed up.  I still have things I'm working through, but I came to the realization that I am okay being who I am now....I don't have to be that girl I used to be because I still possess those important qualities....they just might be buried.  I'm not a cold heartless bitch like I'd feared.  ;)  Take the good and the bad from the past, learn from it and throw out the rest.  Does that even begin to make sense?  Hee hee!!  Yep, I'm still learning and like I said earlier, I'm still working on balance when it comes to logic versus emotion, but I'm a much more emotionally and physically balanced person today than I was 4-6 years ago.  A lot of my struggle recently has been that so many things have come up from my youth.....it was time to remember some of those things I'd forgotten so I could pull those wonderful qualities back out to be added in to balance out the smart, wise woman I have become.  I have finally started allowing myself to "feel" again without retribution.  Crying is okay.....doing it in front of my husband with no explanation as to why is okay.  I can't tell you how freeing and liberating it is.  

And someday I may go into why I think I went in the opposite direction....lets just say I picked up more than just poor self esteem and body image from Jeremy.  Not that he is completely to blame as it takes two to tango and I believed everything he was telling me, but lets just say he was like having "cancer".  

Stuck

I'm still suffering issue with my right shoulder.  It's all stuck right in the top of my shoulder and running down the back of my arm and into my hand.  Yippee!!  Trying to take it in stride and enjoy the forced rest.  Oy veh!  :(

Toxic Crudola

After a bit more reflection, I believe that my neck/back issues are due to the release everything I've been storing up.  I've found that my ability to cry has not been it's usual self lately.  I'd gotten back into the unhealthy pattern of holding things that bothered me in.  With that in mind, between the old issues and the few new issues.....well, it eventually had to come out somehow and since I've been spending time working through old issues and some new, well (deep subject), it all came bumbling out.  I had some significantly good crying jags over the extended weekend because of the pain I was in.  I think I've finally released a bunch of the nasty stored up stuff....most especially the old stuff.  Hence, my severe adjitation at the beginning of last week (earlier Vox posts) over ridiculous things.  I love the ah ha moments!  They are awesome!!!

Who Knew?!

Seriously?!?  Who knew that the muscles in your neck, back, shoulders and arms all worked so well together.  I am always amazed how perfectly tuned our bodies are....how wonderfully everything works in perfect union....that is until, something, somewhere decides to go "kerplunk" and suddenly you find yourself spending 5 whole days in bed.  And yes, I'm sure 5 whole days in bed watching nothing, but "Sex in the City" sounds blissful to some, but to someone like me who always has to be busy, it was sheer, unadulterated torture!  Okay, actually the first couple days were rather nice and restful, but then my hyper active, during menstrual (therefore emotional) brain started thinking about all the things I should have been doing and I was a blubbering pile of goo off and on between Friday and Sunday.  Shandi beat me up on Wednesday and got things loosened up.  My doctor gave me vicodin (didn't take it) and muscle relaxers (definitely took it and it knocked me on my ass).  Ye ole doc felt it was simply muscular based on the exercises she had me do and that if it wasn't completely healed in 3 weeks...come back to see her.  Welp, today it's definitely better than it was, but everything is seriously TIGHT!!  Typing and mouse-ing do not help it and yet here I am at work.  Yes, I am stubborn, but I refused to miss another day of work since I took 2 impromptu vacation days last week.  My New Year's Eve sucked (which also meant it kinda sucked for my family too).  :(    Thankfully, I head back in to Shandi this Wednesday for another round of torture.  I think my body is ready for another Soma session though.  I believe I am at that stage.  In the meantime, I'm trying to take it easy at work and not push myself too hard.

Am now trying to figure out why this happened though.  I am not usually one to have shoulder issues.  Although, I did have neck issues back in November.  I talked about the last 12 weeks being a learning process....I think my body is letting go of some seriously toxic crud.  That's the only thing it could possiby be.  So, with that in mind, I just went ahead and let the crying jags happen over the weekend.  I'm guessing I really did need them.