Change Is Expected, But Never Fun

Tuesday Non-Bitch Patrol (TMI Warning)

• Started much better today and found out it was all due to my Auntie.  Luckily, I'll be feeling less moodily challenged in a couple days.
• Was better despite a phenomenal end to my day yesterday which included a parking citation for speeding caught by a camera on a busy patch of road going from Puyallup to Tacoma.  I believe it to be Tacoma's way of collecting money rather than a way to slow down traffic.  Check out how many citations mailed out in the first 8 days:  http://www.thenewstribune.com/topstory/story/989414.html?story_link=email_msg.  I don't recall spedding through there because there are always police around.  And in my pciture, there was a car in the other lane....how do I know they weren't clocking him?  So, I'm currently trying to decide whether or not to go to court.  It's a citation so it's treated like a parking ticket versus a speeding ticket, but still.....$101?  Ouch!
• Work is smooth today!
• My right shoulder decided to wig out.  Taking tomorrow off to go see Shandi in the middle of the afternoon. 
• Will be ready for the weekend!

Monday AM Bitch Patrol (TMI Warning)

• I hate it when people make decisions without me (especially when I am responsible for the end result).  I was off for one day on 12/24 and come back to the office to discover some changes were made that I was not involved in.  The decisions about those changes were to be left for when I got back today and it pisses me off to no end that they were done on Thursday even though I'd asked that they wait!!  My director told me last week that he wanted me very involved on this particular decision making process.  Even though it's something that many people in our department participate in (and consequently rolls up under 3 different sups including myself) I am the one who is "in charge" of and will be held responsible.  Well, my manager decided to cruise ahead without me which just bugs the shit right outta me.  I'm trying to be calm right now, but it just keeps getting me angrier.  And then, she's not even here this week for me to discuss.  Nor is the other supervisor who worked on it with her.  Uugh!!  And I have questions.  Oh well.....what can one do except roll with the punches. 
• Our deli in my building decided to close this week for deep cleaning, but didn't bother to post anything about it last week to warn us.  Our other deli is open, but they are short staffed and didn't have it together this morning which has left me granita-less.  I am not a pleasant person until I have had my work day morning granita.  Today is going to be a helluva day!
• I honestly wish I had enough vacation time to have taken this week off.  I could have used it.  I'm in a bad mood (probably having to do with the timing of when my Auntie is planning to visit) so I believe most, if not all, of my irritation is coming from my mood this morning.  Honestly, I hope my day gets better and that I can maintain being nice to people today.  Uugh! 

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays

Hello all!!!  Taking a quick break from my Christmas Eve day preparation and festivity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Merry Xmess and a Merry Everything!!  Take care and see you all in the New Year!!

Older and Wiser....Nah, Just Wiser

I've had over the last 11 weeks what I would call a period of large growth.  I wouldn't say I'm getting older, but I would say my views and opinions are growing up.  I've spent a lot of time processing all of lifes little lessons.  I would say I'm still processing even now and probably will be for some time to come.  In a nutshell, here's what I've learned this far:

1. You can't hide from your past.  This is in reference to me hiding from my child/young adult-hood and the painful memories associated with some of it.  No matter what happens, you need to learn from the bad, cherish the good and move the heck on.  Trying to supress bad things from your past can cause you to forget everything.  When that happens, you end up learning all those lessons all over again in a much more condensed format.  Plus, you forget all the good stuff and there usually is way more good stuff than bad stuff.
2. You can't make someone else's choices for them.  This is in reference to my mom and her chosen path in life.  Everyone makes their own bed and then has to lay in it.  It's not good worrying about the bed someone else has made and is consequently laying in.  It's theirs to do whatever they want with it regardless of how bad or angry you feel about their chosen bed.  It's their choice....plain and simple.   
3. Your love is better spent on those who will return it and care more about you than they do themselves.  I'm actually borrowing these words from a very close friend who I lost for a very long time.  This is also in reference to my relationship with my mother.  This doesn't mean that you can't take care of #1 because we all do need to take care of and love ourselves so we are able to love others.  However, when someone consistently treats you with selfish and self serving behavior through out your entire life (especially if that someone is a parent) then it's time to do yourself a favor and stop trying to see them through the rose colored glasses.  She's selfish and will always be that way.  She is not a mother.  Yes, I can thank her for giving birth to me, but beyond that, I do not owe her anything and don't need to have the same close relationship with her like I do my father.  I have "other mothers" from my youth who were there for me.  Those are the ladies I need to thank because they were there for me as my mom.  Thank you Rosemary, Karen and Maggie!  You ladies are truly special to me!!
4. Do not let too much time go by without seeing your loved one (this is family and friends both included).  After I lost Mike in October without ever having gotten to see him again, I realized that I cannot let time go by like that again.  I need to find ways to stay in touch.  Life is always going to be busy.  It's time to make what time I can to stay in touch with the peeps that I love!
5. We don't always make the best choices, but the important thing is learning from them and then moving on with our lives.
6. Growing up to fast definitely has it's disadvantages.  Realizing this has opened my eyes to some things that I was in turn hurrying the girls along on.  I recognized this and have been working through it all.  For example, my love of decorating the tree.  This year, it didn't hold much excitement because the girls aren't that into it.  I tried to understand why and figured out that, I did it because no one else would.  Mom was gone so I filled her shoes.  I'm learning not to be such a strict hard ass about the simple things because I feel so strongly about how I was raised.  There are simply some things that I did or had to learn early because, I was acting like a 20 something when I was 10.  The girls are living their lives and hopefully not having to grow up nearly as fast as I did.  I pray for them to have wisdom, but to get it when they are due for it and not when I think they should have it.
7. Communication is key.  When one person stops it makes things difficult.  Shawn and I had a very large and ugly fight recently which could have resulted in so many negative things, but it didn't.  We both learned from it, learned more about each other and I'm happy to report that both of us have been making very big efforts to communicate better (and consistently), have date nights, spend more quality time together and make sure that we demonstrate our love all the time versus just assuming.  For him, it meant he had to become more physically demonstrative with hugs and such.  And he's not the touchy-feeliest of people.  I'm very proud of him and of me for working through this.

Happy holiday everyone!!  I hope this finds you in a good place!!  :)

 

Hanging My Head in Shame

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